I'm Being Vulnrable RIght Now....

This weekend, I had the worst conversation of my life...a right and wrong conversation. The problem with this is that, someone always loses and someone always wins. And conversations shouldn't be that way.The conversation started off as one person's very rude opinion of our youth pastor at church(who I ADORE) and it was a very small onversation and all I did was let him know that he was off-base and that he needs to keep things like that to himself. This QUICKLY escaladed into a full fledged argument to all that which was involved in the Facebook thread(roughly 7 to 10 people).There was some who were being very...I guess mature about the whole thing...for a while, then were getting frustrated, just as I was. Then there were others who were deffinently protecting what they think they thought they knew, if I were to use Freddy's (youth pastor) words. And that was really sad and frustrating, because there was no getting through to them...

I am disappointed in myself, because I think that there were so many aspects of this that I could've handled so differently. There are things that I said that I was proud of and that I think was handled fine, but there are other things that I said mainly because either, I wanted to be right, or they were said strictly out of frustration. I really wanted to defend Freddy. Freddy has ALWAYS been there for me and the others and loves us so much and has taught me more than I can even say and I hated that they were talking about him so negatively. It was killing me and bringing me to tears. They were also saying things like they didn't like the lighting or the atmosphere and just things like that...things that didn't fit their preferences. And I got angry, again, and told them they were being selfish and pretty much yelled at them that that wasn't what church is about. It's not about us, it's about Him. ALWAYS. Which is true, but I wasn't saying it with the most important part of the church: LOVE. There were some things that I said out of love, but a lot of it came through anger, and I am very very ashamed. I don't take back my though process of what church is really about, but I will take back the way I said it. And when I wrote the earlier blog, I was angry. And some of the things I said...could have been said differently.

So this is my official apology. I am so sorry that I was involved in the right and wrong conversation. I am sorry that I contributed for as long as I did and as much as I did and I am sorry that I let my anger and frustration get the best of me at some points. I just want a community that glorifies God, not one that is so worried about appearances or about what games we play and what attracts new people. WE, US, are the ones that should be the attraction, our community should be one of love and a glimpse of what life should really be and I feel like we could get there...we just aren't trying...we just aren't willing to learn. Be willing to learn. God can do amazing things with you all. I love you.

Peace
Liz